Women's Health Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational and support organization for females with health problems.

How to Get Involved and Help a Loved One with
Female Bladder Control Problem

What is Urinary Incontinence?

Involuntary loss of bladder control is called Urinary Incontinence.

Who has Urinary Incontinence?

Urinary Incontinence is far more common in females than in males. One common myth about incontinence is that it is a nursing home problem. The fact is that 10 to 30 percent of females between ages 15 and 64 have bladder control problems. It is important to remember that incontinence is not just a problem affecting older people, women in their twenties and thirties can develop bladder control problems just about as easily as women in their forties and fifties.

Why women do not talk about Urinary Incontinence?

Because of embarrassment, a desire for privacy, and concern about burdening her busy relatives with an "unimportant" problem and the social stigma associated with bladder control problems, women are very reluctant to talk about it with family members, friends, or even their own physicians. The willingness to seek medical attention is very low.
More often than not, there is no life threatening illness, just early symptoms of some correctable medical problems. Yet too many women would rather suffer in silence than seek help or talk to family members, friends or doctors about the problem. They think that it is too embarrassing, too personal, or too shameful to admit. They have the feelings of guilt, blame, or being "bad" when confiding in others, the embarrassment and worry of no longer being able to control or take care of themselves as they feel they should. Products designed to help prevent leakage can remind or reinforce feelings of loss of independence and self-respect, especially to more active adults. Even when a person confides in a doctor there is no guarantee that the bladder control problem will be taken seriously.

How do I tell if a family member might be hiding a bladder control problem?

• Your family member is unwilling to be away from home for more than one or two hours.
  
• When your family member arrives at a destination, she rushes to the bathroom.
  
• Your family member wears long sweaters and coats and resists taking them off in public to cover up an accident.
  
• Your family member resists sitting down in social settings or sits "funny in a chair.
  
• Your family member wants to learn where bathrooms are located in local shopping malls and roadside stops.
  
• Your family member excuses herself frequently during business meetings.
  
• Your family member resists drinking fluids throughout the day, particularly the day before a trip away from home or a trip that takes her away from known bathroom locations
  
• Only drinks fluids after she is home during the evenings.
  
• She purchases feminine hygiene pads even after menopause.
  
• You smell urine in your family member's house.
  
• There is a sudden change in your family member's activity level.
  
• She no longer goes to aerobics classes, plays tennis or participates in other active sports.
  
• Even the light activities like walking or playing golf are now of less interest to your family member without any logical explanation.
  
• You observe your family member rushing to the bathroom very often.
  
• Your family member excuses herself after coughing, sneezing or strenuous physical activity to go to the bathroom.

What are the risks if I choose not to get involved?

Here are some reasons why it is important to talk to a family member if you suspect there is a hidden, untreated bladder control problem. There is a risk of an undiagnosed, more serious medical condition. Incontinence is a symptom of some other health-related problem. It should not be dismissed as just a problem associated with aging. It is important to identify the cause of a bladder control problem as early as possible. Early proper treatment for the disease could prevent any negative effect on your family member's ability and function in the years ahead.

Quality of Life and Depression

Bladder control problems are related to chronic depression. Women with bladder control problems may feel a lowered sense of control over their lives, insecurity and fear. They may develop insomnia, depression, reduced self-esteem, and increased withdrawal.

Risk of Dehydration

If a family member is significantly restricting fluid intake it could lead to kidney or digestive problems. Constipation is also a problem that can result from dehydration. In fact, chronic constipation can even lead to additional bladder control problems due to added lower abdominal muscle strain.

What Not to Do?

• Don't hide disposable diapers in a parent's bathroom hoping that they will just "begin using them."
  
• Don't ever start out the conversation by "accusing" your family member of having a bladder control problem.
  
• Don't add up all the signs like a detective.
  
• Do not blame your family member of having a bladder control problem.
  
• Giving up is never the right solution.

How do I plan for the discussion?

Your family member may not like the idea of being dependent or "taken care of by someone else." Always respect your family member's need for independence, dignity and ability to make decisions appropriate for her own life. Share your concerns with siblings and other family members. If you have sisters or brothers, talk with them about your suspicions of a bladder control problem of a parent or relative. Explain some of the medical risks of taking no action. You know your family best, decide who should first speak to the family member. It is usually easier if the initial discussion is done on a one-to-one basis. Afterwards, other family members can help provide continuing support for seeking a diagnosis.

Learn more about bladder control problems. Consider finding out more about bladder control problems and the potential treatments in advance of your meeting.
Before the meeting, it is important to remind yourself of your primary objective; getting your family member to seek a proper diagnosis and treatment for the bladder control problem.

So how do I begin the conversation?

Incontinence is one of those tender subjects like weight control, alcohol and substance abuse that is difficult to address. Advise your family member that you have recently learned about the growing number of people, of all ages, with bladder control problems. Continue with some facts provided to you by Women's Health Foundation that you may have found relevant to your family member's own problem.

Alternatively, you might want to say that a friend of yours has a relative with a problem that was seeking help for the condition. Most importantly, you might suggest that you did not know that bladder control problems were actually symptoms of some other problem, not a "natural" result of aging. Emphasize that nature's course does not mean accepting a bladder control problem for the rest of her life. Then ask directly: Have you ever had a bladder control problem?

What to do next?

Ask your own doctor for some names of doctors who are known to successfully diagnose and treat bladder control problems. Ask other people for their recommendations as well. Ask friends, co-workers, or nurses for their recommendations. Don't exclude your family member's own doctors from the evaluation process.
Go to the family doctor or one of your recommended doctors with your family member. This may reduce your family member's embarrassment and anxiety associated with describing the problem or forgetting to ask important questions about the evaluation, diagnosis and treatment.

Write down your questions on a paper before your visit to the doctor so you will not forget what to ask during the visit. If your family member has consulted a doctor, what was the result? Was she satisfied with the results? Press for a second opinion if your are not sure. If doctor disregards a bladder control problem and does not investigate the underlying cause, find another doctor.

Thank you for accepting the responsibility to help your loved one and find some answers.